There are times when we give in to the moment and end up doing things or letting others engage in unsettling behavior. Thankfully, setting healthy boundaries can save us from numerous horrible situations. Here are 12 boundary-setting journeys from women on the web.
Table of Contents
1. Defining Boundaries
What better way to start this conversation than to define the term “boundaries.” Here’s a commenter’s definition: “Boundaries are rules that apply only to yourself or your own behavior (since you are the only person you can control).”
For instance, “I will not stay in relationships with people who yell at me” is one such boundary.
2. “Don’t Start Nothing, Won’t Be Nothing!”
One woman is straightforward on two things when talking to people she spends a lot of time with. Firstly, “If you flirt with me and I tell you I’m not interested, do NOT keep trying; I will drop you like a bag of rocks,” and secondly, “If you betray me in any way or I find out you’re talking behind my back, I will also drop you like a bag of rocks.”
3. No Means No
“When I say no, I mean no, and I do not owe you an explanation,” comments one member. She doesn’t negotiate over something she doesn’t wish to do. Her journey with this boundary started in her late twenties.
Now, everyone around her knows that when she says no, there are no questions about it.
4. Benefit of the Doubt
It’s easy to excuse people’s actions because you believe they have your best interests at heart. However, in reality, you’re the sole protector of yourself.
One member shares her journey of establishing and maintaining boundaries in the past year. Previously, she’d justify whenever someone stomped all over them, intentionally or not. Now, she no longer allows anyone to disrespect her boundaries!
5. Second Place
Gone are the days of feeling left out. A user is no longer tolerating people who’d exclude her from things for no reason, not consider her when they extend that courtesy to everyone else involved or treat her as the last option because nobody else is available.
She doesn’t accept invites from anyone informing her of their plans at the last moment when they could’ve texted earlier.
6. Master Manipulator
“I don’t like passive-aggressive people. If someone shows a hint of passive aggressiveness, I’ll cut them off my life,” says one woman firmly. She finds silent treatments, one-word replies, and expectations of mindreading to be quite manipulative, and rightfully so. It’s better not to have such people around.
7. Buzzkill Begone
“I can understand people not being excited about my success as I want them to be because it might be triggering their insecurity. But, if they take out their bitterness on me by minimizing my achievements or shaming me, then they’re out of my life for good,” says one user.
Another member seconds this and shares how her close friends would taunt or make her feel bad about her successes by bringing up their failures. If your close friends don’t celebrate your success, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship!
8. Aggression Regression
Many members share having space for anyone with anger issues. If someone’s being bitter for no reason, it’s time to show them the door. “People who yell and turn nasty (as opposed to having a heated discussion) when angry aren’t my people,” says one person.
9. Furry Friendliness
It’s perfectly okay to have boundaries about pets. If you’re scared of them or can’t be around them, that’s your call. On the other hand, if you’re an animal lover, you don’t have to make space for someone who doesn’t like pets at the expense of your furry friends.
As one user points out, “I have two dogs and seven cats. My house is their home. I wouldn’t have anyone disrespect them. So, I wouldn’t date or invite people who hate pets over to my house.”
10. Financial Freedom
Boundaries aren’t just social or emotional; they can be applied to the economic facet of your life as well. For instance, one member mentions they won’t combine finances with a spouse, nor would they loan money to anyone without a legally enforceable contract. Better safe than sorry!
11. No Take-backs
“I would never give second chances to my exes. If they break up with me, I’d never reconcile and take them back,” says one woman. She also mentions how she doesn’t stay friends with her exes. She won’t be their “emotional support animal.”
“I would be civil and friendly with them if we ever have to interact. I would reply to text messages politely and attend to their calls. But, I wouldn’t initiate any conversations, ask for their help, or have deep, meaningful conversations with them like a friend would,” she adds.
12. A Protective Mechanism
Finally, it’s crucial to note that boundaries don’t imply that everyone is out there to get you. Rather, they are in place to make your life easier. As one commenter aptly describes, “These boundaries don’t exist because other people are bad. They’re only there to protect myself.”
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This thread inspires this post.
I’m John Schmoll, a former stockbroker, MBA-grad, published finance writer, and founder of Frugal Rules.
As a veteran of the financial services industry, I’ve worked as a mutual fund administrator, banker, and stockbroker and was Series 7 and 63-licensed, but I left all that behind in 2012 to help people learn how to manage their money.
My goal is to help you gain the knowledge you need to become financially independent with personally-tested financial tools and money-saving solutions.