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What Was the Last Thing You Put in Your Nose?

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Nose

Happy Monday friends! If you read this title and felt lost thinking you’d searched for a personal finance blog and landed on something else, I want to assure you that you are in the right place. I like to change things up every once in a while here at Frugal Rules and what better way to do that than a good, old fashioned rant? 😉

I know the title may take you aback, but it is genuine and something we’ve dealt with in the Frugal Rules home on too many occasions. So, if you’re wondering why I am talking about things being put in your nose, then grab a cup of your favorite drink and settle in.

 

I love my kids, I really do, but why is there no freaking warning before the “I like to stick EVERYTHING up my nose” stage? Don’t believe me? The littlest Frugal Rule, who is about 22 months old, has been putting everything known to man up there! The past few weeks the main culprit has been pomegranate seeds, which are perfectly sized to fit inside of nostrils. Though, this is not nearly as bad as his sister who stuck a diced carrot up her nose at his age. That required us driving across town to a good friend’s house who is a physician’s assistant. Five minutes and one tweezer with “teeth” later the carrot was expunged from her orifice.

Why on EARTH must we be hearing about the 2016 Presidential Election now? Last I checked this was 2013. Must we REALLY have a three year run up to the negative ads and vilifying of opposing parties?

Going back to the kiddos…when did food become a weapon? Our youngest one (probably because he is the baby of the family) shows his dissatisfaction for what’s served him by ceremoniously chucking said food as hard and as swift as he can across the room at a family member. Not only is this troublesome for those who sit around him, but it also means the carpet looks like a Rorschach test gone awry every evening.

I’ve gone off about Wal-Mart before, but why in the heck do you have 70 blasted check-out lanes when you only operate two at a time? I love keeping costs down like the next person, but come on. I went shopping there a few weeks ago, and they had two blasted lanes open and one of them was not able to sell liquor. So, because I had a bottle of wine I got to stand in line for nearly 20 minutes before I could even start the ridiculously long check out process.

Are you driving right now? Then get off your phone! Texting is supposedly against the law while driving here in Nebraska, but I regularly see people doing that or talking on their phones while driving. If putting your life, as well as those around you, at risk isn’t bad enough, I really wanted to drive 20 mph under the speed limit.

Oh, you’re mad at me because I am not wearing some God-awful red Nebraska football shirt? I’m sorry, I actually have a mind and can think for myself. That is what it’s like in a state that has only one sport and, worse yet, a sport that is a religion. You travel to other parts of the country and all many of them know about my fair state is Nebraska football. I HATE fall in Omaha because the looks we get for NOT wearing Nebraska gear. We’ve regularly been told that our business is not wanted on a Saturday because we’re not sporting those ridiculous colors. Sorry fans, I am not a fan of Kool-Aid.

Do you like to clean off your windshields when getting gas? I do too. Well, if you’re going to offer that at each island of your gas station then don’t you think you should have a squeegee or some fluid to clean it with on a somewhat regular basis? I know that sort of defies logic – but either there is a growing trend of people stealing squeegees, or you’re just too cheap to throw some water in there.

Why on earth must portion sizes go from small (which really isn’t small) to ginormous? Beyond that, why must you push us to buy said pool sized soda every time we frequent your establishment? There is a cheap theater in town that I have taken one of the little Frugal Rules to see a movie from time to time. I ask for a small soda, which is huge and the same guy pushes the bucket of soda on me each time because it’s cheaper with the popcorn we buy. If you didn’t see already, I have a four year-old and not only will that much soda put him into diabetic shock, it also means we’ll spend the entire movie in the bathroom!

Have you ever called a call center? Yeah, me too. Who on earth thought up these automated programs that can’t seem to understand the most basic of the English language? I know “Rep” is an INCREDIBLY difficult word to decipher, so I hope someone is getting a good laugh out of hearing 75% of us having to yell the word before we get a live human.

I’ll wrap it up with the kiddos…when they’re not sticking things on their noses, they’re using their hair as a napkin. That’s right, their hair as a napkin. Because, of course, when I need a napkin and can’t find one I instantly think “What the hell” and just wipe it on my head! To be fair, I am channeling Mrs. Frugal Rules here as she is not too pleased I taught one of the kids this. Hey, I can’t be responsible if it takes off, right? 😉

 

I know I went off a bit on the kiddos, please know it’s light hearted in nature and I do really love them. That said, what was the last thing that stuck in your ‘craw’ or, better yet, what was the last thing you put in your nose?

 

Photo courtesy of: Harmon

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I'm the founder of Frugal Rules, a Dad, husband and veteran of the financial services industry. I'm passionate about helping people learn from my mistakes so that they can enjoy the freedom that comes from living frugally. I'm also a freelance writer, and regularly contribute to GoBankingRates, Investopedia, Lending Tree and more. If you're wanting to learn how to monetize your blog, check out my blog coaching services to see how I can help you take your site to the next level.

Latest posts by John Schmoll (see all)

64 Comments

  • It is a bit intense how early Presidential campaigns start, but it seems like you have no chance unless you announce your intentions a few years early (insane as it sounds!). I also have the same gripe about Target – some evenings there are literally 3 or 4 lanes open and a ton of people waiting to check out.

    The last thing I stuck in my nose was nasal spray, about ten minutes ago 😉

    • John says:

      I agree, though I think the media has trained us to think that way. That said, it should be interesting (to say the least) to see what comes out in this election.

  • The title of this post cracked me up and immediately made me recall a certain classmate of mine who got a green crayon stuck up his nose when we were in kindergarten. That was so many years ago, but I can still see the look on his mother’s face when she picked him up to take him to the emergency room… thanks for the laugh!

  • LOL, when our third oldest daughter was 2, my mom and I took all four kids to the Black Hills. On day 2, she started complaining that her nose hurt. I asked repeatedly if she put something up there, to which the response was always “No, mom”. I looked, and couldn’t see anything, so kind of dropped it. On day 5, on our way home, she was still complaining, so at home I asked Rick if he could get any info out of her. “Yep” she said to Rick “A peanut, and a corn”. Oh, great!! So we took her to the ER, where they spent a good 45 minutes working to distract “the largest thing I’ve ever taken out of a kid’s nose” according to the doc – a very large peanut that was WAY up there. The “corn” was never found. We saved the nut, of course. How could we not? The story still makes me a bit sick to my stomach to this day. 🙂

  • Matt Becker says:

    Haha, my son is 20 months old but we haven’t reached the “stuff up the nose” phase yet. Definitely something to look forward to though!

  • Nice rant, John. =)

    My kids aren’t sticking stuff up their noses, they’re just whining a lot. I swear that this weekend was the weekend of whining. I was pretty happy to send them to daycare today! =/

    • John says:

      Thanks Holly!

      Yea, we’ve seen a bit of that too. It’s too cold for them to go outside much, so I think it just brings it out of them more.

  • The last thing I put in my nose was a tweezers…..when I was a teenager I would look at “old” people and the nose hairs sticking out of their nostrils and think “EEEEWW, OLD PEOPLE!” So, each week I spend some time pulling those suckers out. 🙂

  • Haha love the rant. I’ve been meaning to do something like this for some time now. We moved to Arkansas about a year ago and the same rule applies to Razorbacks football. Whenever someone gets mad at me for not wearing red, I just remind them how much their team (and only team) sucks.

  • Betsy says:

    Stopped in local store. Overheard store clerk say bag of food in the corner is from the local church food bank. Man received it from food bank and brought it in to store for cash.
    Watching local news on Thankgiving, all the free meals for the poor. I didn’t see one child or one elderly person. Most were working age people. Get a job. Yes I can name 5 job openings now. Not the highest paying but A JOB. The really poor people have to much pride to ask for handouts. They do without.
    The more you give to the poor the more they expect it. Why would you get a side job to pay for Xmas presents when all you have to do is sign up for toys for tots.
    All this true. I personally no people who sign up for all that is FREE.
    If you know someone poor and unable to work please help them but stop helping the lazy poor people!!!

  • Now that is an epic rant my friend. You covered so many topics that I don’t even know where to begin. The political ads piss me off at any time, so I understand. My son doesn’t put anything up his nose yet, but I know its coming. Walmart, oh Walmart. That is all I am going to say about that.

  • Hahaha. I like the rant. Sometimes I think these sorts of things but it’s much better to be able to say it out loud.

  • I hate it when I go to a gas station with the intention that it is time to clean the windshield and there is no squeegee! That is so frustrating. However, we have a gas station here in Arizona called QT and they do a good job of making sure the squeegee’s are fully stocked.

    • John says:

      I do as well Deacon. We have QT as well and they do tend to be pretty good, though they tend to have higher gas prices so we don’t go there often.

  • My son is about 5 months and he’s in the phase where he’s sticking things in his mouth. I like the rants…I’m also annoyed by the lack of squeegee and water at the gas stations…and sometimes the water is dirtier than the stuff I already have on my windshield. Portion sizes are way too big…had lunch at a diner/burger joint…took the leftovers to go and had enough for another lunch the next day. Didn’t know they’re that fanatical about Football in Nebraska!

    • John says:

      Yep, that’s the first of the stages. The nose stage is still a few stages away for you. 🙂 I think the same thing about portion sizes. You get a burger at most places and it’s more like a side of beef. Oh, if you only knew – they’re nuts here about it.

  • Our daughter does not stick things up her nose, but right now she things it is hilarious to fart in the car. She almost killed us driving back from Thanksgiving break. I don’t know how such a little person can hold that much stink!

  • John is feeling spicy this morning, I see! 🙂

    The call center one is a huge pet peeve of mine.
    As soon as I hear the auto-recording, I start pressing “0” and/or yelling “Agent!” into the phone.

    I have actually switched companies before just because of a company the forces me to go through a ridiculous automated system before I can get to a real person to talk to.

    • John says:

      Ha ha, yes I was. 🙂

      I’ve actually had to do that once or twice myself. It shouldn’t require me screaming and yelling to get someone that can actually talk with me.

  • Catherine says:

    haha I love your rants 🙂

    I have a vivid memory of being about 7, my mom giving me a Flinstone vitamin, insist I put it in my mouth and chew (almost never an issue, I used to love them) but instead I decided it would be funny ti shove it up my nostril. Without delay I took it and wedged it up my nose. I wish I had an explanation.

    the last thing I put up my nose was probably some vicks with I use at work sometimes (to help with horrid diseased infested mouths, NOTHING smells as bad as rotting, necrotic gum tissue, trust me…) now that I’ve given you a nasty visual…it also may have been my kids finger lol.

  • Haha, great post. When I was about two I stuck tiny beads up my nose. I remember a lot of blood and tears trying to get it out.

  • Michelle says:

    At three, I stuck an M&M up my nose. It took, apparently, four hours and a trip to the emergency room to get it out. I still have sinus issues from a damaged nasal cavity!

    Also, I have the same rant about portion size. Yesterday, we ordered wings and the sizes went from 6 wings to 12 wings. Wait, WHAT? Why couldn’t there be a 8 wing or a 9 wing selection? Ugggghhhh.

    • John says:

      Ouch, sorry to hear that Michelle.

      I know, it’s a bit over the top if you ask me. It’s no wonder why we have health issues in our country. You go from small to feeding a small army portion with nothing in between.

  • Hilarious, but did you have a rough weekend? You seem to have a lot of things to get off your chest 🙂

  • Take a deep breath and let it out slowly! There’s nothing wrong with a good rant – it’s healthy to release pent up frustrations…although the timing of it is a bit odd considering Thanksgiving was just a few days ago!

    • John says:

      Lol, I know. Like I told MMD though, I wrote it a few weeks back and like to change things up every once in a while, so that’s why I posted it today. 🙂 Just wait til you read my Christmas rant in a few weeks that I wrote last week. 🙂

  • Love the rant, John! Thankfully, my kids were never big on stuffing things in their nose. 🙂 I have absolutely no idea why they would even want to do that. Where’s the fun? As much as you love them, they sometimes do truly strange things, which we, of course, never taught them to do! Well, maybe you taught your kids to wipe their hands on their heads! LOL! I flinch every time I see a political ad because it’s way too early. And seeing only two checkout lanes open with huge lines is one of my biggest pet peeves. Happy Monday, John!

    • John says:

      Thanks Shannon! Count yourself lucky as your daughters escaped by passing up that phase. Sometimes I just wonder why they do some of the things they do and then I remember who their father is. 😉

  • Pauline says:

    You can wash hair that served as napkins, I stuck some chewing gum in my sister’s hair and we had to cut it all off haha. Hope none of your kids read your blog, ever, don’t want them to get bad ideas.

  • I’m with you on the presidential stuff. Politics to my husband are what sports are to the “average” Joe so any election night, he has to watch the results all night like it’s his superbowl or something! I can’t do the election theory discussions so we generally don’t talk much about it when it’s just us two.

    And oh man, I might glance at my phone when I’m stopped at a red light but I am flabbergasted when I see people texting while driving! I see it a lot and it drives me bananas. worse than drunk drivers!

    • John says:

      I feel your pain with the politics. My wife tends to be the same way and likes to discuss it – no thank you. 🙂

      I know, it drives me nutty as well – it’s just not worth it.

  • My daughter has stuck peas up her nose and also beads. Not funny at the time but I can see the funny side now after getting over the initial panic! The napkin head thing – yes!! This happens every meal time with my little girl! Eating generally is a very messy time. I’m trying to teach my daughter to eat over her plate. She forgets and swings around in her chair and drops crumbs and scraps all over the floor during every meal. 🙂

  • kathryn says:

    Everyday I put a tiny dab of lotion up my nose. Currently we are in the Outback, Australia and my nose gets very dry.
    I was lucky our kids never went thru the putting stuff up their nose. My nephew did, and ended up going to hospital to have the bit of pencil eraser removed.
    I’d rather get an ginormous size portion for ‘the price’ than a regular size, for that same price. Feeds me for a few days, or my husband and I will share it.

  • And with that, John is feeling better! 🙂 With four kids we’ve amazingly never had one stick something up their nose…other than their finger. Yummy!

  • Haha, I’m nodding my head along while reading this post. I went for a run the other day in LA during the USC/UCLA game and people were looking at me like I was nuts. It’s true, I couldn’t care less about the game.

  • Haha, nice rant John. Kids are hilarious, luckily there was no long term harm done! It’s also very lucky that you have a good friend in the medical field. I agree with almost all of your points.. especially driving while on the phone!

  • E.M. says:

    I was actually just thinking about the squeegee issue! I used to love cleaning my moms windshield when I was little, but lately I haven’t been able to find any gas stations that offer the service. I brought this up in discussion and it was concluded that people must be stealing them, which is sad. I completely agree with the rant on using your phone while you’re driving. I don’t even look at it, so it kills me when others are not paying attention to the road because they’re glued to a device. It’s against the law here, too, but I don’t think it’s enforced enough.

    • John says:

      Funny, I didn’t times were that bad off that people would bother themselves with stealing squeegees. It’s not enforced here at all either, which is a shame.

  • My finger, that was an easy one 😉 I remember as a kid my mom always said, “you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.” I don’t get the soda thing and I definitely don’t get the football thing (I’m hibernating as we speak in the bedroom because I don’t want to watch football with the bf in the living room).

  • You mean you didn’t want to get into a fist fight at Walmart for your $100 off TV. You rant reminds me of the Simpsons episode where they found a crayon stuck in Homer’s head because he shoved it up his nose as a kid.

  • Cat says:

    You know I love these posts!!! I went to buy a small icee at the pretzel place in the mall (bc. they looked sooooo good) and they literally said “It’s only 10 cents more to get a large!” What happened to medium? And why is it 10 cents to go from modest to ginormous? When I stuck with the small size they looked at me like I was crazy. It doesn’t even make financial sense to try to push someone to take more of your product for such a small amount!

    • John says:

      Lol, I do. Just wait til you see my Christmas rant – it made Nicole cry from laughing so hard. 🙂

      We’ve had that same thing happen before as well. I’ve asked what happened to the medium and just have been told that “well, it’s a better deal”. Craziness I say. 😉

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