Why I’m Half Terrified and Half Excited to Have Kids
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I have a confession to make.
Pretty soon after I experienced the excitement of being pregnant, the fear set in. The fear is really heavy. It kind of weighs on me like a big winter coat. It’s there all the time. There are moments of excitement every day, and my husband and I are truly thrilled and blessed to have two buns in the oven. However, I look around at my pregnant friends and think, “Why aren’t they worried? Why aren’t they freaking out on in the inside like I am?”
What it’s really come down to is that I’m half terrified and half excited about having kids. Nothing more, nothing less.
Reasons to be Half Terrified to Have Kids
1. I’ve Never Changed a Diaper
I feel like I will be a diaper pro after having twins in the world for about 12 hours, but I still haven’t changed one. There’s no major reason why I haven’t. All the kids I’ve babysat have been 5 or 6 and out of the diaper stage. I know it’s not hard, but it’s just an unknown. I feel like I should have done this by now.
2. Twins Can Have a Lot of Complications
I’m worried about their health. These kids are sharing a small space. Twins often come early. I can’t imagine losing one of them or having one or both of them be very sick, but I know it’s always a possibility. I can’t even mention this to friends and family anymore because they are tired of me worrying. They urge me to be positive and think of the good things. “Worrying is bad for the babies” and all that. Seeing as none of them have carried twins and none are in my current position, I feel like I am allowed my thoughts. “Prepare for the worst; hope for the best” is sort of my mantra right now.
3. I Have No Idea What I’m Doing
How do you parent? No really, how do you do it? How do you make sure that they are good kids and not little demons? Furthermore, how do you balance a career with parenting?
Reasons to be Half Excited to Have Kids
1. I’m Financially Ready for Them
Even though I have no idea what I’m doing, I can at least control how much money I have in the bank. This has been a calming thought to me this whole time. Everything else is so up in the air and is so uncertain. However, I feel like I have enough money to feed them and clothe them once they do make their arrival. That should count for something.
2. They Are Going To Be So Cool
I mean, y’all haven’t really met my husband, but these kids are going to be half him. He is one cool dude. I can’t wait to meet them and see who they’ll look like, what they’ll be like, and what they’ll become.
3. I Get To Raise Them
For the last few years, I have been building a blog and writing business on the side. It has taken an immense amount of effort and many, many late nights. I did it all for them, so that I could be home with them and play a large role in raising them. I’m so excited and thrilled that things actually worked out. I have less then two weeks left at my day job, then the dream of being self employed finally comes true. It’s an amazing feeling.
So, what do you think? Is this half-terrified, half-excited feeling normal? Am I freaking out too much? Go ahead; you can tell me.
Photo Credit: Photon_De